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More than Supplies: What Children Need for Back to School

The back-to-school aisles are nearly empty now. Backpacks are packed, lunch boxes are labeled, and fresh boxes of crayons sit ready in desks across the country. We've checked every item off those carefully crafted supply lists, but in our rush to prepare our children for the academic year ahead, we might be missing something crucial: their emotional readiness.

In my thirty years of working with children and families—first as an educator, now in private practice, and throughout as a parent to four very unique children—I've learned that September's success isn't measured by how well-stocked the pencil case is. It's determined by how well we recognize and respond to the deeper needs our children carry as they navigate this annual transition.

The Invisible Backpack

Every child walks into school carrying two backpacks. The visible one holds their supplies, homework folders, lunch, and perhaps a favorite snack. The invisible one carries their worries, hopes, social anxieties, and need for security. While we can't see this second backpack, it's often much heavier than the first.
This invisible load includes questions that keep kids awake at night: Will my teacher like me? Will I have friends at lunch? What if I can't keep up with the work? What if I mess up? These concerns are normal, necessary even, because they show that our children are growing and stretching themselves. But they also signal two fundamental needs that, when met, can transform a child's entire school experience.

The Foundation: Safety in Predictability

The first and most essential need is what I call "safety in predictability"—the deep comfort that comes from knowing what comes next. Children's brains are wired to scan for safety, and uncertainty activates their stress response systems in ways that can interfere with learning, relationship-building, and emotional regulation.

This doesn't mean children need rigid, unchanging schedules. Rather, they need predictable rhythms and consistent responses from the adults in their lives. When a child knows that someone will always greet them with warmth and kindness after school (whether mom, dad, a nanny, or the daycare provider), or that bedtime stories happen every night regardless of how the day went, they can relax into learning and growing.  

In the classroom, this looks like teachers who maintain consistent routines, clear expectations, and warm but predictable responses to both struggles and successes. At home, it means creating rhythms that signal safety: regular meal times, consistent bedtimes, and reliable check-ins about how the day went. (For more tips about providing routine and structure at this stressful time of year, see last September’s blog post with essential tips for school success). 

But here's what many parents miss: predictability isn't just about external schedules. It's about emotional predictability too. Children need to know that when they come to us with big feelings—disappointment about a friendship, frustration with homework, excitement about a new discovery—we'll respond with the same patience and curiosity, regardless of our own stress levels.

I remember working with an eleven-year-old who was having daily meltdowns after school. His parents were puzzled—she was a hard-working student, seemed happy, and had friends. But every afternoon, she'd fall apart within moments of walking through the door. When we dug deeper, we discovered that her days were full of fear and uncertainty. She struggled with reading, and although she’d gotten good at guessing words and “faking it,” she was constantly afraid that someone would find her out. Would the teacher call on her to read out loud? Would someone notice her horrible spelling? Would she make a “stupid” mistake because she misread something on the test? 

The solution wasn't to eliminate all uncertainty from her life. That's neither possible nor healthy. Instead, we worked on two fronts: addressing the underlying reading challenges through identification and targeted intervention, and creating what her family called "anchor points,” or predictable moments throughout his day that she could count on. Listening to stories during breakfast. The same after-school snack in the same spot at the kitchen counter. A brief walk around the block before homework, regardless of weather.  Understanding (through her accommodation plan) that having mom or dad help read something to her from her homework, or listening to audio texts was not cheating, but “leveling the playing field,” and did not mean she was not smart or capable. Having extra time on tests and a teacher to help read them. These simple routines gave her the emotional stability she needed to handle the day's inevitable uncertainties while we worked on building her reading skills and confidence. Once she began to experience genuine success through accommodations and intervention for her reading—rather than just surviving through guessing—her anxiety decreased dramatically. She learned that asking for help wasn't admitting defeat; it was taking control of her learning.

The Bridge: Connection and Belonging

The second crucial need is connection and belonging, or the sense that "I matter here, I'm seen, and I have a place." This need manifests differently across ages but remains constant from preschool through high school.
For younger children, belonging often centers around feeling special to their teacher and having at least one reliable friend. They need to know their teacher notices when they're absent, remembers their interests, and sees their efforts. They need to feel confident that someone will sit with them at lunch and include them in playground games.

As children grow older, the need for belonging becomes more complex but no less important. Middle schoolers need to feel accepted by their peer groups while also maintaining authentic relationships with family members. High schoolers need spaces where they can explore their emerging identities while still feeling connected to stable relationships.

One of the most powerful things we can do to support this need is to help children understand that belonging isn't about being perfect or pleasing everyone. True belonging comes from being known and accepted for who they are, including their struggles and imperfections.

I often share with families the story of a fifth grader I worked with who was convinced he didn't belong anywhere. He was academically gifted but socially anxious, passionate about insects but felt weird for loving something most of his peers found uninteresting. His parents' instinct was to help him fit in better, maybe tone down the bug talk, join more typical activities.

Instead, we worked on helping him find his authentic tribe. He started a nature club at school, began volunteering at the local science museum, and connected with other kids who shared his curiosity about the natural world. Rather than dimming his unique interests to fit in, he learned to shine brighter and attract the people who appreciated his authentic self.

This taught him, and his parents, that belonging isn't about conforming. It's about finding the spaces and relationships where we can be genuinely ourselves.

Creating Space for Both Needs

Supporting these emotional needs requires intentionality from both parents and educators. Here are some practical ways to create environments where children feel both safe and connected:

At Home:

• Establish consistent daily rhythms, but hold them lightly when flexibility is needed
• Create regular opportunities for one-on-one connection with each child. This can be challenging in households with working parents and multiple children. When our children were young, they each had a day of the week that was “their” day. On Mondays, our oldest got to sit in the front seat of the car (a sought-after position once they are old enough!), choose after school snack and/or activities with the nanny, and got a special half hour or so with mom and/or dad, playing a game, making a craft, baking a treat reading an extra story at bedtime, or other age/interest-appropriate activity. Tuesdays were kid number two’s day to have special privileges/attention, and so on.
• Practice emotional predictability—respond to big feelings with curiosity rather than judgment
• Share your own age-appropriate struggles and how you handle uncertainty
• Celebrate your child's unique interests and help them find communities that share those passions. Teach them that if they can’t find it, they can help create it! 

In Partnership with School:

• Communicate with teachers about your child's specific needs and strengths
• Support school friendships by facilitating playdates and connections outside school hours
• Advocate for your child when you notice they're struggling academically 

When Concerns Arise: Sometimes, despite our best efforts, children continue to struggle with academics, anxiety, or social connections. This is when professional support can make a transformative difference.

Recognizing When Additional Support Might Help

After three decades of working with and raising children, I've learned that seeking professional help isn't a sign of failure—it's a sign of wisdom. Sometimes children need additional tools to manage anxiety, develop social skills, or overcome learning challenges that are interfering with their ability to feel safe, connected and successful at school.

Educational and psychological assessments can provide crucial insights into how a child's brain works, what their specific strengths and challenges are, and what kind of support will be most effective. These evaluations don't label or limit children—they illuminate pathways to success.

I think of assessment as creating a detailed map of your child's learning landscape. Just as you wouldn't attempt to hike an unfamiliar mountain without a good map, it's difficult to support a struggling child without understanding their unique cognitive, emotional, and social terrain.

For some children, we discover that attention challenges are making it hard to feel successful in school. For others, we find that anxiety is masquerading as defiance, or that social skills differences are making peer relationships more difficult. Sometimes we uncover specific learning differences that, once understood and addressed, allow a child's natural abilities to flourish.

The Long View

As I watch my own children—now ranging from teenagers to young adults—navigate their own journeys, I'm reminded daily that our job isn't to eliminate all challenges from their paths. Our job is to ensure they feel fundamentally safe and connected as they meet those challenges.

The school supplies will get used up, replaced, and eventually forgotten. But a child who enters school knowing they are valued, supported and capable—who carries the invisible backpack of security and belonging—has everything they need to thrive, not just in September, but throughout their educational journey and beyond.

This September, as we send our children off with their carefully packed backpacks, let's remember that our most important gift isn't what we put in their hands, but what we help them carry in their hearts: the unshakeable knowledge that they are safe, they belong, they can succeed, and they are exactly who they're meant to be.

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If you're concerned about your child's academic competence, emotional well-being, or social connections,  professional support can provide valuable insights and strategies. Educational assessments and therapeutic services can help identify your child's unique strengths and needs, creating a clearer path forward. Learn more about our comprehensive evaluation services at Educational Solutions, CNY.

​The first week of school is a time of excitement and adjustment for children, parents, teachers, and even the family pet! This period can set the tone for the rest of the school year, so it is important to take full advantage of putting your best foot forward. As a psychologist specializing in educational assessment, I understand the unique challenges children face. Here are some practical recommendations to help your child transition smoothly and start the year off on the right foot.

1. Establish a Routine: Consistency is crucial for all children, but especially for children with learning, behavior, or attention difficulties. A predictable routine helps them feel secure and reduces anxiety (theirs and yours!).

• Daily Schedule: Create a schedule that outlines the daily routine, including wake-up times, meals, homework, and bedtime. This schedule can be written or in visual format for early/pre-readers. A clear schedule can help your child anticipate what’s coming next and manage transitions more smoothly.
• Morning Routine: Practice the morning routine before school starts to help your child get used to the new schedule. This can include everything from getting dressed to packing their backpack. Even just waking up and practicing the routine one or two days ahead of school will make that first morning feel more comfortable and familiar. Our family has a long-standing tradition of getting up, dressed, backpacks packed, and out the door, where we pick the kids up at the bus stop to go out for a last day of summer breakfast. 

2. Set Up a Homework Space: A dedicated, organized workspace can make homework time more manageable and less stressful.

• Comfort and Accessibility: Ensure the space is comfortable and has all the necessary supplies within reach. Consider using organizers and labeled bins to keep materials tidy. If your child often needs scissors, glue, or crayons for homework, be sure to store them in this space. The less time you or your child spend looking for materials during homework time, the better!
• Minimize Distractions: Choose a quiet area where your child can focus without interruptions. Use tools like noise-canceling headphones or a white noise machine if needed. When possible, do not choose a location near to your child’s toys or entertainment activities as they can be tempting and distracting just by being nearby. For the older kids, make sure to pre-plan a place to leave the phone (and turn it off!). Our family has a docking station in the kitchen. The teens plug their phones in there when they come home from school or practice. Once homework and chores are completed, they get to check their phones back out for an hour in the evening, and then back to the docking station overnight! Starting these habits from the start will go a long way toward reducing power struggles and problems down the road. 

3. Communicate with the School: Open communication between home and school is vital for supporting your child’s needs.

• Meet with Teachers: Schedule a meeting with your child’s teachers to discuss their learning disability, if applicable, and any accommodations or strategies that worked well in the past. Share relevant information from their individualized education plan (IEP) or 504 plan. The teachers should already have this information, but sometimes it is understood differently in a conversation than simply written down. Remember, you’re the best advocate for your child, so anything you can do to best partner with your child’s teacher will make a world of difference.
• Ongoing Updates: Keep in touch with teachers throughout the year to monitor progress and address any emerging concerns. If your school uses a grading system that is online, be sure to check it regularly and follow up with your child about missed assignments or projects coming up. Communication between parents, students, and teachers is paramount to success. With older students, have them take the lead on checking grades and showing you on a regular basis. This will teach them to take ownership of their progress, as well as help them practice good communication skills with you and their teachers. 
  

4. Encourage Self-Advocacy: Teaching your child to advocate for their needs can empower them and improve their school experience.

• Practice Communication: Role-play scenarios where your child might need to ask for help or clarify instructions. This can build confidence and ensure they feel comfortable speaking up. Encourage your child to speak with their teacher, even privately, to discuss their own needs and how they can best be successful. This advocacy will set them up well for their future.
• Teach Self-Awareness: Help your child understand their learning disability and how it affects their learning style. This awareness can help them articulate their needs more effectively. Learning disabilities, such as dyslexia, are not something to be ashamed of! They simply require accommodations to access curriculum with peers. Help them feel empowered about this by talking about it as something that makes them unique, not lesser.

5. Provide Emotional Support: The transition back to school can be emotionally challenging. Offering support and understanding is crucial.

• Open Conversations: Encourage your child to talk about their feelings and any worries they might have. Listening without judgment can help them feel supported and understood. Start this with a daily recap each night at dinner or before bed- whatever fits into your schedule. Model good communication and emotional intelligence by sharing about your day, too!
• Stress-Relief Strategies: Teach your child relaxation techniques, such as deep breathing or mindfulness exercises, to help manage stress and anxiety. Physical activity and positive affirmations are other great tips to relieve stress! Play into your child’s interests and find what works best for them.

6. Reinforce Positive Behavior: Celebrating small victories and positive behavior can boost your child’s confidence and motivation.

• Praise and Rewards: Acknowledge their efforts and achievements, no matter how small. Consider setting up a reward system to reinforce positive behavior and accomplishments. Make a big deal of the “good stuff” and encourage them to share their achievements with others your family is close to. This allows them to be “on stage” and proud of all they’re doing. 
• Focus on Strengths: Highlight your child’s strengths and interests, and find ways to incorporate them into their learning experience. This can help build their confidence and make school more enjoyable. An interested learner is much more open to difficult tasks than one who feels the content or method is boring. We all have to do hard and less-desirable things, but highlighting their strengths and interests when you can is helpful.

Starting a new school year can be a challenging time for all children, but especially those with learning disabilities. With the right strategies and support, it can be a successful and positive experience. By establishing routines, setting up a supportive environment, and maintaining open communication, you can help your child navigate the first week of school with confidence and ease.
 
                                         
                                  
                                                                                                                                                                                        Annual last day of summer breakfast

By Dr. Sheila Clonan

By Michelle Storie

By Dr. Sheila Clonan

​..First, let’s address the issue of whether or not dyslexia is an appropriate, school-based diagnosis supported by special education law. The short answer: YES. Dyslexia is a specific presentation of a language-based “Specific Learning Disability” in Reading—the most common one, in fact. Special Education law (or IDEA) defines a specific learning disability as
“a disorder in one or more of the basic psychological processes involved in understanding or in using language, spoken or written, that may manifest itself in the imperfect ability to listen, think, speak, read, write, spell, or to do mathematical calculations, including conditions such as perceptual disabilities, brain injury, minimal brain dysfunction, dyslexia, and developmental aphasia.” (See 20 U.S.C. §1401(30) and 34 CFR §300.8(c)(10) (emphasis added).

So again, yes. 
But...

By Dr. Sheila Clonan

​Often, bright students with attentional difficulties “fall between the cracks” of services available in the school system. While Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) is not included in the 13 disability categories covered under special education law, some students qualify for an Individualized Education Plan (IEP) and special education services through a label of “Other Health Impaired.” However, in order to qualify for such services in most school systems, the student typically needs to be failing. This is not an entirely accurate interpretation of the law, however, which merely states that the disability must “adversely affect educational performance.”  Nonetheless, to qualify for an IEP in most school systems, the child needs to be struggling academically and deemed to require specialized instruction (or special education). 

​But what about the student doing “just well enough,” who manages, through extra hard work and effort—and the more-than-occasional parental “rescue” to make adequate grades?  With some strong parental advocacy, that student may qualify for accommodations via a “504 Plan,” which is supported by federal civil rights law and provides accommodations to the learning environment (but no direct, or “specialized” instruction). 

Written by Dr. Sheila Clonan

Response to Intervention, or RTI, is a three-tier process for providing intervention and supports to students prior to the initiation of any assessment for special education. The idea is that, by providing targeted, research-based interventions early, we can ameliorate relatively mild learning difficulties, thereby preventing the need for designation as a student with a disability.  It began in response to an all-too-common problem—which became known as the “wait to fail” model. That is, in the past, students quite literally had to fail before they would be tested for special education and therein provided necessary intervention.  
 
Tiered levels of support like RTI, in contrast, are based on prevention models. Tier one generally consists of an effective core curriculum in the classroom. Theoretically, this will address the learning needs of approximately 80% of students.  The remaining 20% will be provided with what is often called “Tier 2” intervention: intervention that targets learning in a fairly generic- but efficient- way.  Let’s take the case of reading. Most schools collect progress monitoring data on all students. Then they identify a “cut-off” score that indicates the child is in the lower quartile and may benefit from Tier 2 intervention.  At this stage, most schools have a ready-prepared intervention to offer. Some schools used computer-based programs, such as Fast ForWord or Accelerated Reader. Others offer an additional reading group with the school’s literacy specialist. For approximately some of the children involved in Tier 2 intervention, the additional instruction—almost regardless of the form it takes—will be enough to help them get up to speed. 
 
For children with a specific learning disability such as Dyslexia, however, such standard interventions will rarely be enough to close the gap between them and their peers. Instead, these students require systematic, intensive, phonologically-based reading instruction targeted specifically to their individual needs and administered by a highly trained instructor.  Students with Dyslexia are generally missing some of the important building blocks of reading—the cognitive components that underlie accurate and fluent reading. However, they often “progress”—ie, memorize enough words—just enough to make it look like they are benefitting from the generic intervention. This makes school staff reluctant to test the child for a learning disability. But unfortunately, memorization is a very inefficient strategy- and the progress will not be enough to close the gap between the student and her peers, nor to repair the foundational skills on which on which reading is built.
 
We often see students who have inched along in this way- progressing just enough to avoid failure, but not enough to catch up- or, more importantly, learn the skills they need to ultimately become accurate and fluent readers. These students tend to be bright, creative and hard-working. They work hard enough— and usually have enough support from their parents—that they earn passing grades despite falling farther and farther behind in their reading. They often spend hours upon frustrating hours completing homework. They tend to do poorly on tests- but excel in oral participation- or other aspects of the school day. Sometimes teachers wonder if they are making “careless” mistakes—maybe they need to slow down, “try harder”- or, my all-time favorite- “look harder.” They may be reading well enough to get the “gist” of the information—so they can maintain the appearance of being able to read enough to “keep up,” but gist reading is notoriously unreliable in decontextualized reading such as in textbooks- or worse, multiple choice tests. 
 
Often, the parents of these children have repeatedly shared concerns with school staff that “something is wrong” but been (falsely) reassured that “he’s young yet” or “she’s progressing at her own rate.”  Your child is not failing, they may add, and so does not have an educational disability.  While we’ve no doubt that these staff members mean well, the end result is that the student suffers for years, believing that she is stupid or slow, working hard but never managing to keep up.  Finally, frustrated, parents turn to a private evaluator, seeking an understanding. They know their child is smart, they see how hard he is working, and they want to what can be done to help him. 
 
When implemented as intended, Response to Intervention can enhance student learning. The intention of the prevention process is to shift educational resources away from classification of disabilities and toward the provision and evaluation of effective instruction. Through early screening, schools can identify and provide support more quickly to struggling learners.  In practice, however, the process all too often delays the provision of appropriate evaluations and services (as noted in this 2011 Memo to all State Directors of Special Education, the U.S. Department of Education).  If you have concerns about your child’s educational progress and feel that school staff are delaying evaluation and support, you have the right to request an evaluation in all areas of suspected disability. Put your request in writing. See more about how to get your child evaluated in our ebook, A Parent’s Guide to Educational Assessment in New York. 
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Written by Dr. Sheila Clonan
September 27, 2015 @ 9:30 am

Recent neurological studies have given us greater insight into brain plasticity, or the brain’s ability to adapt or change in response to experience.  This is the science behind such popular brain exercise apps like LumosityTM and CognifitTM that aim to re-train the brain by making new connections in neural circuits.  The idea is that by engaging in intensive and repetitive exercises that are tailored for specific goals, skills like memory, cognitive processing, and attention can be improved.  The jury may still be out on the effectiveness of some of these self-administered apps, but there is good research and evidence that brain plasticity is real. There is also substantial evidence that working memory, the part of the brain function that is key in handling processing, can be definitively improved through intensive intervention.  This is good news for all, but especially for children who are struggling in school as a result of a learning disability that may have a direct connection to working memory.  Such learning disabilities among children include ADHD, Dyslexia, Auditory Processing Disorders and Autism Spectrum Disorders.